Articles on: Grief or Loss of Child

Through A Mothers Eye’s 

As a parent where do you go when you’re more scared than your child is?

Missy had a glandular cyst under her tongue at the age of fourteen. The doctor said it was a common cyst and he just cut it off. At the time, I trusted the doctor. Why shouldn’t I? He was an ears nose and throat specialist. Our primary care physician didn’t seem to be concerned once the cyst was gone.

But as time went on she was always tired and got sick a lot. I kept taking her to the doctor, and it was always the same thing. “I think she just a typical teen that likes to sleep the day away. I really feel you’re overly concerned,” he said.

Finally, I got the doctor to listen. “I’ll run some blood test just in case it’s mono,” he said. “Teens can get this from sharing drinks with their friends. I really don’t think that’s what it is, but just to be on the safe side this will be a starting point.” I’m glad the doctor ran some tests. Sure enough, Missy had mono. Mother’s intuition is always best.

As a mother your children think you’re supposed to have all the answers.

Missy had a hard time shaking this bug. I took her back to the doctor and new blood tests showed Epstein Bar virus (chronic fatigue), which explained the excessive sleeping. With her immune system down, she caught everything that came around.

This went on for a couple of years, back and forth to the doctor. I don’t think Missy ever recovered from the viruses. Finally her doctor scolded me. He felt that she was trying to get out of school and playing me for a fool. I told him, “You’re wrong; I know my daughter better than you do. She likes school and she’s a good student.” The doctor made me feel like I was an overly protective parent.

A new development; In the midst of wrong choices, God had a plan.

The next months were a big surprise. Missy was feeling better but still tired. She experienced her first young love, a boy from our Bible study, who was just exploring Christianity. I think their friendship helped her push aside her poor health. He was from the city, very street wise and she from a small town and very sheltered.

Missy nagged me to death and against my better judgment I allowed her to see him in a group setting. Well, he was smooth and she bought everything he told her, hook, line and sinker. She soon became pregnant.

My heart sank to the pit of my stomach. Heart and stomach tangled together became tied in knots that didn’t go away. I didn’t think I would ever feel the same again. My little girl’s life was over as she knew it. She would have to grow up over night.

I tried so hard to give my daughters a different way of life than I had and prayed they wouldn’t make the same mistakes. God had different plans; He doesn’t make mistakes. Missy’s child would be a God send and I would soon find out why.

To mothers who have pregnant teens, please hear me well. All children come from God. Once life begins, God has a plan for each and every one. God works all things for the good, and though my daughter gave birth out-of-wedlock, her child became a gift from heaven.

With my precious daughter pregnant, I realized her body was a woman’s now, but inside she was still my sweet little girl and a scared one at that.

Where do you go for answers when the medical system fails?

Missy lived at home through her pregnancy and everything was going fine until her fifth month when she started having severe facial pain. Back to several different doctors looking for an answer. Again we were pushed from one doctor to the next with no concrete diagnoses.  I prayed constantly for wisdom and strength. He pain was increasing daily.

It wasn’t until after Missy’s baby was born that I got a doctor to listen, after two others misdiagnosed her. We finally received a true diagnosis. She had cancer.

Don’t give up. Trust your intuition.   (Read Missy’s Story for the medical facts.)

Missy’s cancer went fast from the time she was diagnosed, just nine months. But to everyone around her, it was painfully slow. She was in so much pain. It was hard to watch and with the amount of medication she was on. Her days ran one into the other. She often woke up just long enough to squeak out a few simple questions or comments: I hurt; I need meds, what time is it? What day is it? What are you doing? Where’s the baby? Will you sing to me? Will you read scripture to me? Not always in that order, and then she would doze back into a medicated sleep.

She once asked me, “Is God punishing me for getting pregnant outside of marriage?” I told her, “God doesn’t punish. The enemy of this world would like you to believe that. We all have sin in our lives. We all make unwise choices at times. God is a loving God. When you repent and ask for forgiveness, He forgives.

I’m thankful that we didn’t take matters into our own hands and abort missy’s child. That was never an option for us. My grandchild has been one of the most precious gifts to our family. Whether or not Missy lived.

Through my experience with my daughter, I have learned to be an advocate for my family. I am not intimidated by doctors anymore. They are human and they make mistakes. I will always take the extra steps to seek out second opinions, search the internet and I won’t take no for an answer when my heart tells me something isn’t right.

I truly feel if I had known what I know now, my daughter’s cancer would have been caught in time and she would be here today, raising her beautiful daughter.

Not all doctors are as unfeeling as the ones I experienced in this case; I have had many good ones. But even the good doctors need a push at times. Please educate yourselves regarding your health. Only then will you have the right question to ask the doctor at your next visit.

My life will never be the same. I have a new normal. God has given me the strength to take my tragedy and turn it around, so that I might help others who are hurting. This web-site is part of my healing and I am writing two books on my experiences with several self-help sections as a guide to better health education. I will use what I have learned by trial and error to help you help yourselves. With God’s help my first book was published in 2010 and will be revised and re-published in 2018.

 

God Bless the hurting heart.

Lynette Norton